As I begin this blog, I am tempted to put my best foot forward and show you that I am a credible source of information and know-how. The truth is that I have two left-feet when it comes to life. I can only present the real me: flawed, flustered, and frustrated by my imperfections. I am not a crafty, DIY, organizational, or educational expert. I have yet to produce a successful garden (although my lettuce and herbs did do quite well last year) or consistently meal plan or lesson plan. Without my organizationally-minded husband, I would be living in a house full of paper piles and strewn-about clothes and toys.
And yet . . .
I have five children that are healthy, happy, imaginative, intelligent and loved. I don’t love them perfectly, but I do love them, and they, for whatever crazy reason, love me back, despite my glaring imperfections. I have acted out in anger, yelled, criticized, neglected, and disapproved of these precious gifts. I have had to plead for their forgiveness time and time again, and they have graciously offered it each time. I am thankful for the way they display unconditional love to me, especially when I have put so many conditions and expectations on my own love for them.
I have a husband who is committed to me for the long haul. We are only 13 years into this wild ride called marriage, and I have tried to run away and hide from myself (and all those faults of mine) and him too many times to count. But he has stayed true, steady, and faithful to me. Having his love has helped me to find peace with myself and my constant failings, to believe that I can be more, that I am more. He has been Christ to me when I couldn’t drag myself back to the cross for all of my shame. I have thanked God from those early weeks of dating until today for the gift He has given me in David.For all the dysfunction of our growing up years, God has redeemed our marriage and family, and He has given us grace to overcome the brokenness that is our natural heritage and to walk in wholeness with Him. When I look at this loyal husband, who grew up in a husband-less home, and this invested, interested father, who grew up in a fatherless home, I see God’s redeeming love all over him and tears of gratitude well up each time. I also grew up in a husband-less, fatherless home, so the redemption is for me, too, as I bask in the glow of my husband’s love and the smiles of my children as they are enveloped in the safety and strength of their father’s arms.
So . . .
When you visit, expect to find the real me: a broken, redeemed woman who is learning each day to give and receive love and forgiveness. I “stumble and fall in many ways,” but I keep getting up and trying again, slowly realizing each time that I can only move forward in Him.
Note: I wrote this almost three months ago, and left it sitting in my drafts. Today, I was feeling especially downtrodden over some serious shortcomings I have. I sat down to attempt a blog post that would express my struggle and found this instead. It reminded me that, no matter how I feel or how I’ve failed, I still belong to Him, and I still have so many blessings to be thankful for. I’d love it if you would share a blessing or two from your own life, especially if you are feeling like I did today.