I have opened a new post entry almost daily for two weeks, and each time, the blank screen inside terrifies me. I approach it with dread, knowing that the words won’t come- again. No new thoughts, experiences, insights, observations spur my fingers to action. I wonder if I will ever write another blog post.
To avoid this belief, I search through the thousands of themes available, in hopes of updating my site and giving it new life and purpose. I scratch out countless new taglines in search of direction and inspiration. Still, nothing.
I turned back to my fiction writing this week, perhaps to escape my reality of stomach bugs and writer’s block, or simply to satiate my hormones. I looked upon a story I began earlier in the year and shuddered, wondering if I could or cared to reconnect with those characters again, to give them direction and resolution. Then, I set them aside. Not today.
Am I a writer? Real writers write everyday. Real writers have a message to share. Real writers can’t help but write. I can’t help but run away from the page and the screen, in fear of never writing again.
I want to be a writer. I’ve wanted to be a writer since I was ten years old. I have written on and off over the years: journal entries, newspaper articles, church publication pieces, snippets of stories. But, I haven’t been serious about it. I haven’t really believed or pursued my writing with passion and purpose. Even with this blog, I have written as I’ve been inspired, but not with focused intensity and determination, not with excellence.
I write like I live. Halfheartedly.
I don’t want to write- or live- halfheartedly anymore. I want to write- and live- with intention, focus, purpose, excellence. It’s not in my nature to do so, but I can rise above my nature with the Lord’s help. And that is where my first focus must be in order for everything else to line up. I simply must focus first upon Jesus- each day, each hour, each moment- seeking the excellent life of knowing Him. Only then, can I serve both Him and others with my writing and my life. Only then, do I have purpose and direction. Only then, will I have a message to share.
And so, I write to discover where I have gone wrong, and I find it. I find Him, waiting at the end of it, for me. Here I am, Lord. Use me.
Do you struggle with writer’s block (or “life block”)? How have you overcome it?